A disgruntled librarian packs it up and leaves fabulous New York City behind,
going on random global adventures,
while simultaneously promoting literacy
and spreading the love of the written word.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

so many jobs, so little time

before we left nyc there was much debate over how the bolshevik and i could possibly live in a foreign country.  surely, we would be destitute within minutes of landing.  well, dear blog readers, i am happy to report that we are doing just fine.

to recap, here are a few of the potential jobs we had brainstormed before arriving:
english teachers
menu proofreaders
milk shake consultant
punk rope instructor
baker (they have a lot of mediocre bread here)
singing/basic piano teacher
babysitter (who will teach your child english!  or prevent your expat child from learning spanish!)
dog walker (this was not high up on the list as neither the bolshevik nor i like dogs)

even once we had gotten here, there were many naysayers who told us that it would be nearly impossible for us to find work, telling us that the market was flooded with expats trying to do just about anything for a few pesos.  well, they couldn't have been more wrong.

first, on a friend's recommendation i tried out elance which is a website filled with freelancers and freelance jobs for said freelancers to bid on.  it takes a bit of time to set up a profile and whatnot, but after a few days i was bidding on jobs, and even though i had no rating or references, i was quickly offered a project to write a gay blog.

that's right.  i'm not even gay, but i made quite a case for myself explaining how i am "a friend to the gays" and that i support gay rights.  in the end of my pitch i simply said, "i'm from new york city."  what else do you need?

after that, using my credentials as a punk rope instructor (i knew that certification would come in handy!), i landed myself a job writing a fitness eBook.  this eBook was a mash-up of pilates and boot camp.  now, i have never been a fan of pilates, having only taken a few classes and always been bored out of my mind (seriously, could exercising be any less exciting than pilates?)  anyhoo, i wrote the book, hoping to maybe see pilates in a new light.   in the end, i can honestly tell you that although pilates is good for building up your core muscles, it is a silly means of exercise.  just go out and do something active (jogging/aerobics/biking/hiking), and then do some crunches after!  it'll have the same effect, and unlike pilates it's more fun than watching paint dry.

moving on.

then i was commissioned to write 60 short articles on dating.  they sent me 60 titles, and i just wrote whatever i felt like about them.  pretty sweet.  and i learned that i am in fact an excellent source of relationship advice.  i highly recommend taking advice from me.

during this time, i was also hired by two different language schools to teach english.  i only have four students right now, but i meet with them once or twice a week for an hour or so and we go through different lessons.  i actually enjoy it a lot, although i still question my ability to teach anyone anything.

and finally, as a piece de resistance, last week i was hired as an online dating assistant.  what is that, you ask?  well imagine some wealthy businessmen who wants to meet a nice girl online, but just don't have the time to sort through all those pesky dating sites.  so instead, they hire out a company to write their profile, pick out women, write them messages, and arrange dates.  all the guy has to do is show up.  yup, so now my main job is as an "opener."  i go through the lists of all the candidates and send them messages as though i am mr. wealthy business man.  morally questionable?  probably.  interesting work? definitely.  so i'm outsourcing my elance jobs to the bolshevik, and now being an online dating assistant is my main writing job.

and that is all dear blog readers ...

bringing in the pesos,

miss dewey d


  1. You are quite resourceful. That is some list of employment opportunities - really fantastic!

  2. thanks! someone recently brought another job opportunity to my attention ... spice importer (just like the Dutch East India Company!). they seem to lack spices here beyond salt, pepper, and oregano.