so many jobs, so little time

before we left nyc there was much debate over how the bolshevik and i could possibly live in a foreign country.  surely, we would be destitute within minutes of landing.  well, dear blog readers, i am happy to report that we are doing just fine.

to recap, here are a few of the potential jobs we had brainstormed before arriving:
english teachers
menu proofreaders
milk shake consultant
punk rope instructor
baker (they have a lot of mediocre bread here)
singing/basic piano teacher
babysitter (who will teach your child english!  or prevent your expat child from learning spanish!)
dog walker (this was not high up on the list as neither the bolshevik nor i like dogs)

even once we had gotten here, there were many naysayers who told us that it would be nearly impossible for us to find work, telling us that the market was flooded with expats trying to do just about anything for a few pesos.  well, they couldn't have been more wrong.

first, on a friend's recommendation i tried out elance which is a website filled with freelancers and freelance jobs for said freelancers to bid on.  it takes a bit of time to set up a profile and whatnot, but after a few days i was bidding on jobs, and even though i had no rating or references, i was quickly offered a project to write a gay blog.

that's right.  i'm not even gay, but i made quite a case for myself explaining how i am "a friend to the gays" and that i support gay rights.  in the end of my pitch i simply said, "i'm from new york city."  what else do you need?

after that, using my credentials as a punk rope instructor (i knew that certification would come in handy!), i landed myself a job writing a fitness eBook.  this eBook was a mash-up of pilates and boot camp.  now, i have never been a fan of pilates, having only taken a few classes and always been bored out of my mind (seriously, could exercising be any less exciting than pilates?)  anyhoo, i wrote the book, hoping to maybe see pilates in a new light.   in the end, i can honestly tell you that although pilates is good for building up your core muscles, it is a silly means of exercise.  just go out and do something active (jogging/aerobics/biking/hiking), and then do some crunches after!  it'll have the same effect, and unlike pilates it's more fun than watching paint dry.

moving on.

then i was commissioned to write 60 short articles on dating.  they sent me 60 titles, and i just wrote whatever i felt like about them.  pretty sweet.  and i learned that i am in fact an excellent source of relationship advice.  i highly recommend taking advice from me.

during this time, i was also hired by two different language schools to teach english.  i only have four students right now, but i meet with them once or twice a week for an hour or so and we go through different lessons.  i actually enjoy it a lot, although i still question my ability to teach anyone anything.

and finally, as a piece de resistance, last week i was hired as an online dating assistant.  what is that, you ask?  well imagine some wealthy businessmen who wants to meet a nice girl online, but just don't have the time to sort through all those pesky dating sites.  so instead, they hire out a company to write their profile, pick out women, write them messages, and arrange dates.  all the guy has to do is show up.  yup, so now my main job is as an "opener."  i go through the lists of all the candidates and send them messages as though i am mr. wealthy business man.  morally questionable?  probably.  interesting work? definitely.  so i'm outsourcing my elance jobs to the bolshevik, and now being an online dating assistant is my main writing job.

and that is all dear blog readers ...

bringing in the pesos,

miss dewey d
xoxo

milk shake consultant and punk rope instructor looking for work

even though the bolshevik and i have become certified TEFL (teaching english as a foreign language) instructors, we are still interested in the possibilities of picking up other odd jobs in order to get some extra cash once we settle down in buenos aires.  so when we are at a loss of conversation topics, sometimes we will brainstorm potential vocations.  part of the brainstorming process is also coming up with a scenario in which we will experience some sort of lapse in service, and then we will present the person responsible with a business card, touting our skills in said service area.  here are the contenders:

1. Punk Rope Instructor - i have recently gone through a training to become a certified punk rope instructor!  so i am hoping that if i can generate enough interest, maybe i can get a class started in buenos aires.  and wouldn't the punk rope logo make a cool looking business card?

2.  English Proofreaders - the bolshevik and i, both being obsessed with the art of grammar and proper spelling, have often noticed that in non-english speaking countries there is a widespread problem of poorly translated signs and menus.  at first the bolshevik thought that maybe we should start some sort of non-profit organization in which we helped businesses and individuals correct these errors for the good of humanity.  but then the bolshevik decided it would be best to offer our services at a small fee to those in need.  and of course we would have business cards handy for those instances in which we are out and about and come across bad grammar and/or improper spelling.

3.  Milk-Shake Consultant - it is a little known fact that the bolshevik is an expert in the realm of milk-shakes.  not only does he have impeccable milk-shake making abilities (he owns an ice cream scale for precision of milk-shake creation!  an ice cream scale!), but he also has a very sophisticated pallet when it comes to milk-shake critique.  given the fact that the ice cream in buenos aires is so phenomenal, it would stand to reason that they may need help in keeping their milk-shakes to the same high standards.  and because their ice cream is so good, it is possible that they haven't even felt the need to branch out into milk-shakes.  it is quite possibly an untapped market.  and i do so enjoy picturing the bolshevik sampling a local milk-shake and then spitting it out in disgust.  "no!  es muy malo!"  and then handing over his Milk-Shake Consultant business card. 

other less amusing ideas include: beginner piano instruction, professional knitting, and freelance article writing.  only time will tell which of our many talents will be utilized for profit.