I've reached my "ideal weight" and so can you!

Hey ladies!  Let me tell you about an awesome new fad in weight loss!  It's called the Divorce Diet! Now, just like juicing and raw foods diets, there is some prep work that you have to do ahead of time before you can get started.  But luckily no fancy equipment or specials meals need to be purchased!

First, get yourself into a long-term loving relationship with a partner you trust who you feel has the potential to be your life-long companion.

Then be with this person for many years, maybe even a decade, living together, planning out your futures together, and enjoying all the great shared moments that your entwined lives have to offer.  Allow yourself to believe you have found "the one."

If possible, pick someone emotionally stunted.  This will come in handy later.

Then, when you least expect it (if you've made a proper emotionally stunted choice in partners) this person will out of nowhere tell you that they have cheated on you and that even though it was only once they don't feel like they are "in love with you" anymore.  And the emotional work of cleaning up the mess they made is just too hard and it's easier to just end it.  There will also be some contradictions like them telling you they love you but they don't ever want to see you again, but they deeply care about you, but could you just go cry over there because it's making them a smidge uncomfortable. The more contractions the better really, because the less it makes sense, the more you will suffer.

And that is when the weight loss magic will happen!  You will feel nauseous all the time.  Then, when thinking of these nonsensical contradictions or picturing infidelities, you will feel even extra nauseous.  You won't want to eat any food, even though you love food!  It's perfect!  And when you do eat food, you most likely will vomit soon after.  You may find that things that previously brought you joy, like a nice glass of red wine with dinner, will also leave you vomiting.  For those with gag reflexes, even mundane activities like brushing your teeth or trying to swallow the sleeping pills your psychiatrist prescribed you will also lead to vomiting.

And then you can watch the pounds just melt off!

You may be asking yourself, "Self ... what happens if I run out of food in my system and my stomach is completely empty?"  Well don't worry, there's always bile!  Bile be gone!  I'm sure you don't need it anyway!

So get going girl, and reach that ideally emaciated you!

Side effects may include but are not limited to: dizziness, fainting spells, hoarseness or sore throats, coughing, frequent heartburn, reflux, anemia, anorexia, complete shut down of your immune system, and possible death.