my grandfather clock was too large for the shelf so it stood 90 years on the floor

this week on Spare Room: miss dewey decimal pretends to be miss fifi and lives it up in greenpoint!

that's right, miss fifi and her man have run off to elope in south america (apparently, running off to south america is the thing to do these days) and left little old me in charge of the homefront.  yay, i'm back in my hood!

in exchange for a free awesome place to stay for two weeks, i have agreed to take care of miss fifi's kitty, CG aka curious george.  miss fifi left me about 5 pages of written instruction on kitty care, how to use the mini dish washer, list of fire exits & emergency numbers, etc.  AND she left a "gift bag" of two bottles of wine, fancy expensive conditioner, two unlimited metrocards, and a little "emergency" money.  say what?  this is a dream come true for any traveling nomad.

then when i went into the bedroom where i will be sleeping i found that she has left behind some furry handcuffs, a paddle, and some twilight-inspired candies?  um, okay.  too bad my beloved bolshevik is off in russia exploring the motherland.

so things were looking pretty sweet, right?  no dusty dust mites, i'm close to subways and buses, the wifi works well, i dvr-ed my stories on the tv, i'm back in my old stomping ground, and i'm a short walk to the Y so i can get my exercise groove on ... until 12 am hit.

needless to say i had never spent too much time in miss fifi's bedroom before ... so imagine my surprise when all of a sudden i hear a loud clanging sound outside.  what was it you ask?  it was fucking church bells!  yes, there is a church across the street and they ring their bells every hour!  how is this legal?  i want to call 311.

but, it reminds me of a funny little story ... over the summer my friend and i went to the All Points West concert in new jersey.  afterwards we stayed at a friend's parents' house .  so we are all cozy tucking ourselves into the couches in the living room when all of a sudden a loud grandfather clock starts chiming.  and it wasn't just chimes, this thing chimed a bunch of times then played a little tune.  my friend and i look at each other in horrific despair.  "you don't think it will do that every hour, do you?"  oh no, not every hour.  not to fear ... this thing chimed every fifteen minutes!  somehow i was able to pass out and ignore the clock until about 6 am when i awoke feeling rather hungover and ill-rested.  then for some reason, my ability to not hear the clock was gone and i was awoken every 15 minutes.  then when we re-convened with the friend's parents and politely laughed about the Grandfather Clock Incident, they were all "oh, we forgot about the clock.  you should've unplugged it!"

needless to say, i cannot unplug a church.  sad but true.  how the world might be a better place if i could.  tonight's mission . . . . find ear plugs.

xoxo
miss dewey d